Thorn in the flesh

I must confess that this is a blog I do not want to write. It is a topic I like to avoid and stray from at all costs because this is not what life must be about but often is. Ever since I became a teenager, I have struggled with my own personal physical adversity. It is very difficult and complex to explain or describe, so I won’t even try here. For lack of a better description I have referred to them as “dizzy spells.” Whether that is an accurate portrayal or not, it matters not. I will refrain from going into detail of the pain and spinning feeling I experience when they occur. They come and go and happen at random, or so it seems due to frustration. Doctors have tried to diagnose it long ago, but were unable to. Whether it is caused or brought on by nervousness, stress or anxiety, strenuous activity or lack of activity, the answer is yes & I don’t know. But I only ask this: please do not play doctor and try to discover what is wrong with me. Nothing is wrong with me. I am a child of God and will remain a child of God. I have always believed there is a reason for everything. What the reason for this ailment is I don’t know. Do I need to know? I’m not so sure that is the case. Trust me though; I have toiled over that very thought of “reason” for a long time. I remember years ago, my doctor asked me this question, “Are you able to live with this condition?” I looked at him with an awry expression thinking to myself, “Do I have a choice? What if I said no?” I have had loved ones, including my siblings try to set out on their own to figure out a “cure” or at least something that might help. Granted, they are no doctors, but I still couldn’t believe some random therapeutic massage or pressure point would do the trick. I have come to terms with – nay – I have understood that this is my thorn in the flesh.

Okay, now why did I bring that up? Well, for one, I am writing this blog after experiencing such an episode. And for another, I start back up to work next week, I am getting older, and my proposed bicycle journey is ten months away. Am I worried? In a word: yes. In two words: hell yes. In three words: Do not worry. Those are the words of Jesus Christ who taught the art of not to worry about our life, about our future, about stuff. Is it hard? Of course it is. I cannot pull through alone. I must be close to my Lord. Through danger and misfortune, trepidation need not dominate my life. I pray and find comfort in the arms of my Master when faced with harsh conditions. I have struggled to find joy in this dizzy world, but joy is to be found I am assured. It is there around every bend of the road. I am not one to say that we must try to find peace in war because have you read the Bible? We are a people who will always be at war until the time Christ returns. Life is a battle and I am called to press on through the front lines even though the thorns in my flesh dig deeper and deeper into my skin. It hurts; it hurts badly. I could throw up my arms and give my enemy the satisfaction of giving up. However, I was not raised that way. When a physical ailment exists, it is tempting to just quit and find the easy way out. I love the outdoors, I love hiking and camping and cycling. I love journeys in wet or dry weather. Next summer I am planning a long cycle journey if everything goes according to plan and preparations are prepared promptly. I hate the feeling of not being able to do what I enjoy doing. I mean, who wouldn’t? I believe God feels joy when we feel joy. He enjoys our pleasure. Therefore, I will press on towards the goal. When Lewis and Clark set out into the wilderness from Independence, one wrote in his journal, Goal: Pacific Ocean. I want to adopt the same mindset. Yes, there will be setbacks, but it is only a failure if I succumb to those setbacks and turn around. I am confident that all setbacks are minor and temporary, for this is but a temporary world we live in. We are on a life-long camping trip until we are called to go Home. Our tents will get old, some will get punctured and rain will seep through, but for now, challenge after challenge we push through the mess. I cannot foresee dangers ahead or illness or injuries, but I can do my best as I know how and I can do what I can. For that is all I can do…that, and dream. I have to put my trust in my GPS (God’s Personal Spirit). He can do the foreseeing for me.

I cannot cure myself from ailments, but I believe I can do a few things that might help. This next year I am going to try some of these attempts. I figured there is a better chance that I will accomplish them if I write them down and proclaim them here. First, I am going to try to cycle as much as I can each week. This will include commuting around town. Not only will I be consistently in the saddle, but it will also save me gas money. I hope to ride more than I drive. Living in the Pacific Northwest I cannot escape the wet weather. Therefore, I must ride on with a smile on my face. After all, it is training.

Next:

• Establish a simple workout schedule (using simple dumbbells and calisthenics)
• Be conscious of eating healthy (key words: fruits and veggies)
• Eat sweets (such as pop and ice cream) sparingly
• The key is to move everyday (whether it is to: walk 4-5 miles, cycle 10-15 miles, 10-12 pull-ups, jump-rope 10 minutes, play tennis or basketball)
• I would also like to shed a few pounds. This last year or so I lost about 10 pounds which is a good start, but there’s more I can lose I bet. However, I will workout and eat not to lose weight, but to get and stay in shape for my trip…and not to become the biggest loser.

Those are just some practical things I can begin to do and do consistently in physical preparation for my trip. I also may try to keep a food and workout journal. Those have been recommended to me and I think it’s time to incorporate them.

What's your thorn in the flesh? And how will you push through?

Until next time, keep those perfect circles turning…