OVER TO YOU
"Why do I want to live more adventurously? Because I'm tired of being scared… I found myself sinking further into the doldrums. I want to feel strong, I want to love my body for what it can do, not how it looks. I want to be a role model for my kids. I want to feel the fear and do it anyway… not just read the book.
So that's my why. Basically I want to be the fittest and bravest I've ever been when I hit my 50th birthday..."
"Fitness and fear are the biggest obstacles. They are kind of intertwined. Listening to records in front of the fire with a glass of wine is so easy but does nothing for my fitness. And the more I do it the less likely I am to consider anything challenging. Get my fitness back on track and hopefully the fear dissipates a little. As my courage grows, so does my acceptance of greater challenge and so on."
Failure to me isn't exactly failure. And this is what I mean by that: Failure is a state-of-mind. You only fail at something if you tell yourself you failed, if you think or believe you have failed. It begins in the mind. Conquer the mind and you're well on your way to success. What is failure? Failure is internal. It comes from within. No one else can tell you that you failed. When someone else tells you that you are a failure, they only say it to make them feel better. What is their motivation for demeaning you, bringing you down? Failing once isn't failure. It is only part of the process. When you set yourself a goal or a deadline and do not meet it, don't beat yourself up. Pick yourself up off the ground, brush yourself off and try again. If you call yourself a failure, then it is something you believe. Be positive. Be active. Be useful. Get out there and crush it!
Is this definition sufficient cause to not attempt something bold?
"I have followed your microadventures with great excitement. Yet somehow I have avoided and procrastinated about actually planning something and doing it. I know I'm happy when I do such things and I am often extremely unhappy in my city existence but yet something gets in my way. I don't commit. I'd love to understand better why I do this to myself and how I can train my way out of it because it is crushing my existence. I am an adventurous person in nature but it has been crushed by something - maybe the apparent complexity of adult life!"
If you set out to climb Everest and tell yourself that anything short of the summit will be a failure, then you have essentially set yourself up for that failure. That's too much pressure for anyone. But if you set out to climb Everest and want to have an adventure and go beyond your means, chances are you will do it and have a blast and be a success. All that to say, I don't mean don't shoot for the stars. Of course you should attempt something beyond your seemingly capabilities because if you know you will succeed, it's too easy! Shoot for the stars, if you land on the moon, then that's awesome! Attempt something bold and share your experience...
22. What are your symptoms of flabbiness that are an early warning of a deeper malaise?
---*Physical Flabbiness.
---*Mental Flabbiness.
---*Moral Flabbiness.
"I have a wonderful young family. I also have a small business, so those keep me busy much of the time. While those things are tremendous blessings in my life and bring me great fulfillment, I've found myself in a bit of a rut."
"Our comfort zones shrink as we become older: no longer constantly meeting new people, experiencing new things, going to new places like we did as children. To at least keep our comfort zones the same size we need to push the boundaries, doing things we didn't think we could do. From there is there any limit to what we can achieve?"
Comfort zones are interesting things. There's a lot of talk about comfort zones. Essentially they're invisible. Everyone's zones are different. Where do they come from? Within. They are ours. We own them. Therefore, we can push out those boundaries. They are created from what we are comfortable with and not comfortable with. We are not called to be comfortable in this life. Many people live life comfortable. They never reach out or step out of their comfort zone. I am not saying it is inherently wrong to be comfortable. That is important within reason. What I am saying is we can't stay there forever. We have to step out and stretch ourselves. That is how we grow. How can we grow or help others grow inside the circle? Something needs to change. The flabbiness of my body and mind has grown. I know I ought to improve and strengthen and get things done.
"This has reawakened the urge to push out of my comfort zone and just get on and do stuff with-out all the overthinking."
23. What current behaviour or belief would a younger version of yourself view with astonishment or disgust?
We can choose not to be boring, can't we?
At times I think I worry about that I'm not accomplishing as much as I want or should. I think I put too much pressure on myself when I think in terms of goals and to-do lists. I am a planner and list maker pride myself in being goal-oriented. However, I think I may have lost some of the "why" in what I do. Why have I been with my current job for nearly 9 years? What am I passionate about? What are my goals and how am I working towards them? I want to be crazy again and not fall into complacency. Simple things over the years do tend to slip away with age and we forget what we once loved.
"I sometimes find myself awfully serious, always worrying about 'serious' business in the daily rat race. I feel like I have lost some spontaneity and craziness."
"I find it hard to find the drive (as much as the opportunity) in myself. I see it in my friends too. Simple things that we love(d) slip away too easily. The empty spaces start to echo somewhat. I'm a lazy sod, give or take, basically."
"I dreamed of being 'Steve Irwin' when I was younger and wanted to travel the world and see animals. I got persuaded against this as an unrealistic option. I ended up doing engineering at university and got a job in a windowless lab in Slough... Something has gone terribly wrong."
24. Make two lists, side-by-side.
---* A list of the things you dream of doing.
---* A list of all that is holding you back.
"How can you be a good partner/parent and invest enough time in your family if you're buggering off having adventures? The kids have to be at school, the dad works, then there's the weekend sports etc, so that leaves the holidays, in the hope that the kids want to come too/your adventure is suitable for kids."
"Most of my adventure travel has happened from my forties onward. I guess a change of mindset from 'I'll do it when I retire' to 'I need to do it now, as who knows what's round the corner,' is my middle-aged mantra.
"It was compounded further with a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. I'm glad that I already had that way of thinking as it just makes me more determined to 'get out there' and not waste time. Adventure doesn't have to be jetting off to foreign climes every other month. So much can be found by jumping on a bike and heading out."
"I have settled into a middle-aged rut and want to escape from it."
Oh geez. As a list maker, you better believe that I have lists of things I dream of doing. What's holding me back? What's keeping me from turning these dreams into a reality? For one, I got married last year. But that is not quite fair because my wife is one of my biggest dreams. She's amazing and I couldn't ask for a better partner in adventure. With that comes a shift in priorities. Many of my dreams will include her now. She has dreams of her own which I will be included in because we are one. I am no longer me, but a we which adds another dynamic to dreams. I have adventure dreams, travel dreams, writing dreams, career dreams....more than one life is capable of, but alas, I am a dreamer and find joy in goal-making and creating. I am a Christ-follower and I have to remind myself that it is He who must guide these dreams and goals.
What are you going to do about these lists?
"I love learning and for me there is no better way than to learn through real-life experiences. When the time comes I also want to inspire my children with stories and experiences and encourage them to be a little wild."
I believe doing far outweighs being when it comes to learning. There are far too many schools and far too few travelers and life-long learners. Travel is learning and schooling makes you numb. That is to say, school is well for children, but as one ages, I believe life is to be lived out there and not in a classroom. Let the world be your classroom. Learn on the road. Read "Education of a Wandering Man" by Louis L'Amour. One of the best books I've read in recent memory.
"My wife's rolling eyes: he's got yet another hobby."
25. ---* Write on a piece of paper,
' I have a choice to do________ Or remain doing_________.'
---* Now toss a coin and let the universe decide.
"I thought I would let you know what has held me back in adventures through my life and that is family. When younger I was aware of parents and health issues, and if not for that I may have considered emigrating to Australia. Then children came along. I remember having to turn back from the mountains because a 2-year-old wanted to play in a stream.
"So I have never been able to fit in really big adventures. My career and family wouldn't have fitted around it, but I don't regret it, or feel I have missed out.
"Now I do have more time and the adventures continue."
"I need to try and hold on to my youth. If you don't use it, you lose it. Or maybe my hope is to experience life in a way that I missed in my youth."
I haven't ever bought into the whole "let the universe decide" thing. That's rubbish. I know in a sense it's just a saying, but it's chance. Chance can be something special though. I have a choice to do this or do that. What do I do? It's like throwing darts at a map. Where should I go? That can be a little scary if you're serious enough to do it. Flip a coin at a crossroads and see where chance will take you. That is a great idea for a microadventure! Time and money and family are 3 big obstacles to big adventures. But I believe time and money aren't really obstacles because if you want to go, those won't stand in your way. Family on the other hand is an adventure itself and they are your people, your tribe. Priorities change. If a large expedition isn't feasible at the current time, be creative and do local adventures and bring your family along if they are able. I think it is vital to find that child-like fun and hope and dream and be carefree and frolic through the fields like you did in your youth! Feel alive. At the end of my life I want to feel worn out and exhausted rather than intact!
26. List 5 things that you can't do. Now try re-writing them with an 'I choose not to...' slant instead.
How do they sound now? Unfair? Wrong? Or a little too close to the bone?
"My instant response is that some of the things I want to do are bound by financial constraints. However, reflecting on this, I realize this is yet another excuse. If I wanted to do them NOW, I would find the money. Therefore I'm instantly getting in the way of my own adventures again!"
"I am a dreamer at heart. I dream big, and over the years I have managed to take some of those dreams to fruition. But now I'm well and truly stuck in my rut, full of excuses why I can't do what I want to. Reading that you have turned up to a meeting with 'we hair and going commando' following a spontaneous river swim has sparked something in me. I'm thinking, 'I would love to do that. No, actually, I absolutely could do that."
On many of my solo bike adventures, I have met people who told me they wished they could do what I do. They were either too old, too young, too busy, etc. Something, life circumstances, got in the way. I have no doubt that any and all of these people can do exactly what I have done. The only difference is they have chosen not to...without even thinking about or trying it. The human body is extraordinary! We have limits, but not the limits we think. I think we draw ourselves our own limits. Our limits may be far out there, but we convince ourselves they are much closer and therefore we don't believe in ourselves and fall short of doing anything extraordinary. Hence we live ordinary lives and make excuses for anything that seems to extreme for us. Well, that's good for them, but I am much too comfortable over here. We choose not to get out of the boat for fear of failure or fear of drowning. What if we fall? Ah, but what if we fly? Reach of the stars, and you may just end up on the moon! You may surprise yourself!
27. ---* Can you remember an occasion when you felt Impostor Syndrome? What happened, how did it feel, and how did you resolve it?
---* Do you ever think 'people like me can't do that'?
---* What is an example? Is it true? Is it an excuse? Is it surmountable?
---* If it is not, what new direction will you choose to try?
"I could decide to start listening to what I want to do and look at tangible ways of doing it, rather than dismissing most of it because of 'real life.'"
Amen. Imposter syndrome is real. We live our lives the way we think they ought to be lived or how we've always known. Some of this I am also telling myself. "People like me can't do that!" I've heard those words. I've even said those words. But the good news is, yes we can. What would happen if we started saying 'yes' more. There's an online community called "The Yes Tribe" dedicated to getting people to say yes more and to get out of their comfort zones. Most people never regret saying yes. But many regret never saying yes. Let's say yes. Let's get out and see what happens? Will we fall and get back up or will we discover something new? We will never know what we can do until we try. But alas, not only try, but do. Let us do something, anything. What have you been creating lately? How can we be more productive and manage our time more? Try something new, try something different, try something sacred. Dare I say it? Try something scary...
28. Which party do you want an invitation to?
"I've never been particularly interested in having children but that's not something you say out loud because that's what I should be doing, right? And at my age, time is running out so I should probably crack on. Apparently 'it's different when it's your kids' but that seems like a massive bloody gamble to me, so living adventurously seems like an interesting alternative."
"When our landlord didn't want to renew our lease and we had no housing options available, I chose to take my two kids on a seven week trip through Southeast Asia before coming home to figure it out. Against the advice of EVERY person in our family and a good number of our friends. We returned with $23 in my bank account and zero regrets. Seven countries and millions of memories made. I sobbed on the plane home because I didn't want to come back.
"We returned. And I bought a little house at the uncomfortable end of my budget because I bent to family pressure. And while it's lovely and has big windows and even a bit of woods behind us, I feel SO TRAPPED and I hate it."
Trapped is never a good feeling. I hate accumulating possessions. But I am as guilty as anyone else. It's difficult to convince everyone, including me to purge and live more of a minimalist lifestyle, even though we may know that is what is best and that is what may be needed in our lives. I have always said I think it is better to collect experiences rather than things. Memories over stuff. Society says one thing and that thing is usually not even logical. Society says do this. This is how you should live. Pursue the American Dream. I like to call it the American Nightmare. It leaves no room for growth. It leaves no room for adventure in the wildest sense. That, to me feels like being trapped, a cage. Unless you expand that cage, but then...it's still a cage. Never again. I think in this life our world pushes us too far, there's too much pressure to be happy. That seems like the ultimate goal, but alas, it is not all about being happy. It is not about our own happiness. The secular world pushes us to be mindful, do yoga, breathe and meditate. I have joy. My joy comes from the Lord but often I am not happy. They are not one in the same. Joy should never leave us. Happiness is more of a fleeting emotion. It's okay not be happy, but ask yourself, where do you find your joy? Where does your joy come from? And magnify that!
29.
---* What Doorstep Mile action can you take, right now, that will get you started? Write it down. Even better, make it public: put it on social media with #TheDoorstepMile hashtag, stick a note on the fridge, CC everyone in an email. Appoint a commitment referee to harass you into action.
"I'm going to ask for at least five days' unpaid holiday this year to take some time out alone to contemplate my life."
"Actively looking for a job that leaves me with more energy at the end of the day to do things I want to do, including on weekends and holidays."
---* When will you have done it by?
Any later than this weekend counts as wimpish procrastination! Most questions in this book encourage thought. This one demands action.
"Stop - Do Something!"
Yes, baby steps. Often times we don't do things unless we have the time, the money, the body, the means...to do the big thing. But what we forget is that we don't have to do that big thing right now. It can wait. It will always be there. We can lead up to it. Work up to it. What small thing can I do now to work towards that lofty goal? I want to write a book. I am reading more and learning every day what my book will entail and figure out more how to go about writing my book. I have other goals, bicycle, walking goals, a little bit of that everyday goes a long way. The key is to stop what we are doing if it is hindering our growth and progress and then go and do something! It's a struggle and it is something I keep telling myself.
30. What is the hardest thing you have ever begun? Reflecting back, how does it make you feel?
"My Doorstep Mile? Borrowing some maps from the library."
"I opened up the local paper and saw a new bike trail opening up, and that was it: I was hooked on the idea. So I made a decision that meant there was little chance of turning back. I booked a train ticket to the start of the trail. I had three weeks to prepare my arse for the saddle shock, and I was away."
"Barriers? Asking for time for myself. Guilt and selfishness. Expecting my wife to parent alone for a time whilst I go off."
"I can help myself by meeting new people, learning new skills, volunteering and saying 'yes' to things I never thought I would do."
The hardest thing? That's hard to say. What comes to mind is cycling 116 miles in Eastern Oregon from sunup to sundown from rest area to rest area in the heat of the summer. That is among the hardest things I have done, but it is also one of the most rewarding things I have done. It was the tail-end of a 3,000 mile bike adventure and my butt was hurting. I don't like to shy away from a good challenge. When asked why I enjoy cycling so many miles, I have often said that I enjoy the challenge and the accomplishment. From my hometown I have cycled under my own power to places like Yellowstone, Glacier, Zion, Monument Valley, Lake Tahoe, Olympic, San Diego, Canada, and more. It has been over two years since my Canadian adventure and whereas I have many more bike adventures I want to do (Atlantic Coast, All Around Oregon, Around the Great Lakes, Sierra Nevadas, Mid-west/Deep South, Coast-to-Coast, Alaska, etc.), recently I have begun to think more local. Challenging adventures, whether small or big are never far from my mind. Here are a few challenges I have thought of doing:
1. Bicycle the Oregon Coast in 3 days
2. Bike for 24 hours straight / Ride a Double Century
3. Visit & Photograph all 11 of the Oregon Coast's Lighthouses
4. Visit all of Oregon's State Parks
5. Visit & Photograph all of Oregon's Waterfalls
6. Visit all of Oregon's Covered Bridges
7. Photograph my map collection and make a project
8. Cycle to every place I have lived in my hometown, connecting the dots
9. Cycle to & photograph #EveryPark again in my hometown and do a more intentional project
10. Write a book about my adventures
11. Create a website about my adventures and begin thinking about our business/adventure ministry start-up!
What shall my doorstep mile be for any of these?
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