Big Sky Country, Part 7: Disappearance in Colter's Hell

It is my firm belief that once a place is publicized as a tourist attraction it begins a downward trajectory in beauty and authenticity. I was glad that I’d avoided tourist traps so far. My nature is far from antisocial, but as we rode back out of the Keystone Valley I became convinced that I’d rather find my own private piece of ‘moderate’ beauty, rather than share a stunning location with a million sweaty families with cameras and cellphones and a complete disregard for why they are there. (Leon McCarron, The Road Headed West)

July 27 (Mammoth Campground to Canyon Village, 42.74 miles, 2,400 ft. elevation) Mammoth - Norris Geyser Basin - Canyon Village. I started early - it's incredibly crowded everywhere! The wilderness shouldn't be this crowded! Cars and shops, etc. ruin it all. They ruin the experience of it all! When I stopped at Nymph Lake to take a picture of a crow, I met a guy from Boston on a bike. He's riding from Salt Lake City to Seattle. A nice couple watched my bike for a minute so I could walk down and take a picture at Lookout Point. It is so nice and quiet on the road with no cars. But then the noise comes and ruins everything in life.

The Falls and Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone are the best parts in my opinion.

On the way south I encountered a construction zone - 5 miles on the way down from Mammoth to Norris. The lady told me to pull over and "stop" for safety reasons. Dude, lady....I've been in a lot worse situations. Why not have the cars stop for safety reasons?! Huh lady? It was a minor upset. At Norris, the Museum of the National Park Ranger was cool. I met a lady there who was retired from the park service. She told me she remembers a biker riding into the park in 1977. He pulled in to stay the night. "Here I am."

I saw an elk and a rabbit today.

Everything here is so damn expensive! I can do without all this crap - on a bike bu all these stores and service stations are crowded with people in cars and RVs - it boggles my mind. People come to Yellowstone to buy stuff and stand in line for the restroom ha ha! The hiker/biker sites at Canyon Village are $8.40. They are very nice sites too - tucked away. I'm by myself for the night save for the crows and flies. It is over $4.00 to take a shower - That's unconstitutional! But what's worse is that so many people don't care and fall into that trap. It's hard to take pictures with my phone, but I'm managing the best I can. Experience is better anyhow!

I'm reading a book in the laundry room. Seriously, a laundry room? In a national park? Why? The worse part is that it is crowded with people doing laundry. Why pay all this money to come into a park to go "camping" and spend your evenings doing laundry when you could be making s'mores? I don't get it. I just don't understand these people. Enjoy what you came here for! The book I am reading is "America and Americans" by John Steinbeck. The chapter I am reading is "Government of the People" - I may have to read that one again out loud. The next is "Equality." I still don't understand why a park needs laundry. Oh, now I know - to make even more money! It boggles the mind why a ton of people use half of their evening doing laundry while camping when they should be bonding over campfire stories. But then again, all they have are mobile houses.

There are three main categories of RV, to my mind. The first was the rarest – a humble, traditional ‘camper van’ as we call them in Europe. These are relatively small with just enough room for a small living area inside, plus a couple of beds and a toilet. Hippies were the most regular exponents of this particular category.

            The second group is a larger version of the first – slightly bigger, slightly more brash, and a few more bells and whistles. These are driven by regular, all-American families and are the hardest to predict in terms of their tolerance regarding bicycles.

            The final category, and my real pet hate, were the monstrous lorries that seem now to be an acceptable mode of transport despite hogging entire roads and being larger than a vehicle anyone in their right mind would desire. Stretching around 40 feet in length they are the size of a passenger bus, and so awkwardly cumbersome to drive minor roads that they usually tow a small car to take the ‘campers’ on day trips once they’ve ‘pitched up.’ Along with an entire apartment complex housed inside, these colossal fiends often contain myriad bicycles and motorbikes hidden away to provide the merry vacationer with the whole gamut of options for recreation. Believe me when I say these vehicles are far beyond necessity. Guzzling gas at a horrendous rate, spewing fumes out with abandon, and causing enormous tailbacks on winding mountain roads, they are generally driven by a subspecies of quick-tempered, dim-witted, intolerant and overweight morons, with the hand-eye coordination of a small, blind rodent – these were not friends of the cyclist, as I would soon find out. (Leon McCarron, The Road Headed West)

Because of thunder and lightening, the evening campfire program was moved indoors - "The Explorer in You." What is in us that makes us want to explore? God, Glory, Gold - the big 3. Hmm...the talk was about the early explorers and the history of the area. John Colter, a member of the Lewis and Clark expedition first came  upon Yellowstone and it became known as Colter's Hell because it was so absurd. Why wouldn't it be hell? Boiling thermal activity everywhere. Other explorers came like Jim Bridgers and his tall tales of Yellowstone, Warren Angus Ferris, Charles Cook, Folsom - Jay Cooke and Company - Northern pacific Railway, Hayden Expedition 1871, Thomas Moran, William Henry Jackson - God, Glory, Gold!

How can you talk about a place like Yellowstone and don't see WHO created it? Rangers and plagues and visitor centers and information boards, etc...all of it is about evolution - everywhere! It is so troubling! It's all rubbish!!

July 28 (Canyon Village to Grant Village, 50.81 miles, 1,400 ft. elevation) Canyon Village - Fishing Bridge - Lake Village - Bridge Bay - West Thumb - Grant Village Campground. It rained last night. It was dry in the AM, but it left my tent wet! I packed up and left Canyon Village and headed south - I rode through Hayden Valley and saw probably a thousand bison on both sides of the road - and on the road! Very cool! This is one of my favorite places in the park! It reminds me of all the westerns of old. I me Cliff at a pullout while waiting for bison to cross the road. The cars, RVs, trucks, etc. were backed up as far as the eye could see. Bison were just roaming across the road slowly like they just don't care. I love how people get upset when they can't go fast. It's a national park people! A wonder - see stuff - don't hurry. Anyway, I inspired Cliff. He said a bike trip is now on his bucket list. Good for him. It is never too late - Go have an adventure. Too many people are afraid and others are too quick to say "I can never do something like that." Or something to that effect. - It's crazy how people won't get out of their cars - TONS of traffic all backed up - by bison on the road haha. This is their turf alright - their home - we are the invaders folks! More traffic here than in the city!

I wondered what it was that made people so wary and fearful. As far as I could see, most of the folk that handed out warnings had never been within ten miles of a bear, and didn’t look like they’d been mugged or shot too frequently either. So why the excessive cautioning? Even before I left England I was being warned about the numerous, faceless dangers of America. I supposed it to be a result of our increasingly sterile and safety-obsessed society – a world in which we must wash out hands every few minutes to avoid germs and where children aren’t allowed to climb trees for fear of falling. In the past, even when I was a kid, none of these things were of much concern and as such people were naturally bolder. Now we are encouraged to be risk-averse in every aspect of life, and that in turn breeds fear.

            There are real dangers out there in the world of course, I’d found that out the hard way, but on a human level the vast majority of people are willing to help and look out for each other. And I don’t believe that to be a naïve sentiment. As for the natural world, with a decent dose of common sense and a respect for the environment you’re in, maulings and snakebites can mostly be avoided. It is important to remember too that there is an inherent thrill to be found in the act of engaging with some real danger out there in the Unknown, and only by entering into that can we take ourselves out of and away from what we know.

            If we can predict how every second of every day of our life will be, then where is the fun in living it out? On windy nights when twigs snapped outside my tent, or when hooded figures lumbered past in unknown cities, it was easy to feel the fear and hear again every one of those worriers’ warning words. But mostly, with a positive attitude and a modicum of good judgment, there was nothing to be afraid of. The world is without doubt a more exciting place when we have been through and come out the other side of those situations. I was determined to not let the misplaced or exaggerated fear of others be a barrier to my undertaking this (or any other) journey. The best intention of others can have disastrous implications if followed too closely. (Leon McCarron, The Road Headed West)

On the Gull Loop, a scenic drive by Yellowstone Lake, I met a couple who said I was simply amazing for doing this. They said I should write a book. Maybe I ought to. They aren't the first to mention that. I have to find my niche!

Another young couple said they were headed to Glacier, where I was a few weeks previous - but they are in a car haha. I saw some more deer and elk today. I see many things that cars cannot. I can stop where no car can. It's a glorious thing! I crossed The Fishing Bridge where I spotted a sign that read, "No fishing from bridge." HA HA. Dumb. Didn't think that one through did you know government? I zipped by Lake Village and Bridge Bay and the magnificent views of Yellowstone Lake and finally came to Grant Village and paid another $8.40 for a hiker/biker site - the price had something to do with government and taxes, etc. I don't get it.

During my stay in this vast park, I have survived on Mom's cheese packets with crackers and PB and bagels/English muffins and apples. It's not the most nutritious, but it's all cheap and I will not succumb to Yellowstone's expensive food! Yellowstone Park is truly magnificent but I can do without the cars and people and all the hustle and bustle - go somewhere else to be in a hurry! I like places like the Redwoods more - I am so enamored by them, the quiet giants. Yellowstone is just too busy with dumb people - maybe that's my headache talking. But seriously though - it's like all the dumb people congregate here.

Maybe one day Yellowstone used to be about exploration, but my observation is that today it is all about making money! $8.00 hot dogs, $5.00 showers, laundry, restaurants, hotels, gift shops, service stations, wifi for a fee that may or may not work, tours, firewood, ice, gas...Yellowstone City! I met some cyclists here at Grant Village of course. They all enter through West Yellowstone heading east, which is on the Trans Am. No one does their own thing!!

July 29 (Grant Village to Old Faithful to Norris Campground, 66.57 miles, 2,300 ft. elevation) Grant Village - West Thumb - Old Faithful - Madison - Norris Campground. I am beat - I can barely move around. I have a canker sore, my nose is peeling like mad - my shoulders, head, neck, body aches - I am crying out! My body needs a break!

I left Grant Village early to head up both passes of the Continental Divide - drank a Dr. Pepper for breakfast. Ha. Gotta get energy for these climbs. I rode to Lone Star Geyser on a broken up paved/gravel road. It was too far I think. There were a few other hikers but at least I got away from the crowds for awhile. It was nice!

Finally I came to Old Faithful. I thought I might as well see what all the fuss is about. As expected, I was severely disappointed. I felt like I had already seen it from videos and pictures and stories. It was a huge letdown (like Four Corners last year). Thousands of people here. There's a HUGE lodge and visitor center here. All the wait - 90 minutes  - for a pathetic sight - In my opinion, it is not Yellowstone's main feature or main attraction. I'd much prefer to see the Falls or Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone or Hayden Valley! Old Faithful isn't even the biggest geyser or the hottest. It's just the most predictable and accessible one. How some think it is so amazing I will never know!

I passed Midway Geyser Basin. It was here that I surly realized that this was indeed Yellowstone City. Lines and lines of cars waiting to get into the basin parking lot. Cars and autos up the wazoo. People here spend half their time in the park waiting in lines - car lines, restroom lines, etc. Also of note - for driving so dang fast, they sure walk so dang slow.

There's a section of roadway here that has no markings - quite dangerous - got honked at by an asshole and yelled at by another asshole - Just enjoy the dang park guys and leave me be! Sheesh! Firehole Lake Drive was pretty neat. There's only so much I can see and do while on a bike though. I always have to rush and get back to my bike for security reasons and it also depends on where/how long I'm heading for.

After Madison Junction, I rode past Gibbon River and Falls. The Beryl Spring was cool - one of Yellowstone's hottest! It was a mile hike to reach Artist's Paintpots which I deemed not worth the extra trek. If it is just another set of thermal activity, well, the whole park is filled with that stuff. I've seen so much thermal crap in the park. Don't get me wrong. They are really cool...but after 5 days of seeing it wherever you go - well, you get the picture. I finally arrived to Norris where I was a few days previously. Here, the hiker/biker sites were $5.00 - very nice spots tucked way in the back of the campground. The host lady took me there herself as I followed her golf cart. Unfortunately, the cold drinks machine was out of order - just my luck. I NEED something cold and rest! This was disappointing indeed. Some foreign cyclists arrived - they're always foreigners - I wonder why so many come over here to tour...what's wrong with their own countries? What does that say about their homelands?

Before I hit the sack, I was listening to the evening campfire program in the distance through the trees. Why should kids have to listen to that CRAP!? It's rubbish - all of it! "1.2 million years ago..." They say it like it is fact and "of course it is." I mean, why wouldn't it be, ya know? It makes sense. Wait...what? Everyone should know this ya know? Wait...come again? Is your head screwed on right? Might want to rethink that lady! Yellowstone, like all NPS stuff, teaches shit that is FALSE!

July 30 (Norris Campground to Lewis Lake, 65.38 miles, 2,300 ft. elevation) Norris - Canyon Village - Yellowstone Lake - West Thumb - Grant Village - Lewis Lake Campground. I woke up early and was on the road by 6:30am. The reason for this was that I had a bunch of mileage to cover that I already cycled through. So therefore I just wanted to pedal and get back to new features. It's COLD! My digits are numb this A.M. I avoided the scenic drives that I already cycled on. There was a sign that read, "8% grade next 3 miles." Lies! I cycled this and maybe the last 1.5 miles was 8% but the first part was much easier. Who makes these false testimonial signs anyhow? Since most of the day was to be a repeat, I woke early to hash them out - Canyon - Lake Area - West Thumb - Grant -

At a picnic area by the lake I stopped to use the bathroom. When I came out I noticed a bunch of folks running in the direction of the lake with their cameras around their necks. I walked over to see what the fuss was all about. Sure enough - three moose were in the water - getting away from the obnoxious flies I suppose. They had the right idea. I caught one on film skipping through the water towards me. After this, I zipped on through Hayden Valley - there were not as many bison out at this time around, but it is still such a cool place! At Grant Village, just outside of it I met Mike, a cyclist riding from Portland to Denver doing 60 miles a day to keep up his schedule. His girlfriend thinks he's crazy for doing this. I told him Grant has some shops because he was looking for something sweet before he continues on his way.

I was a bit dizzy in the AM, but it passed quickly and now I am finally covering new ground as I head south from Grant Village on to Grand Teton National Park. I had one more night in Yellowstone. I noticed some dark clouds behind me and stopped at my final Yellowstone summit to put on my rain jacket and poncho over my gear. As I did it began to rain harder. But luckily it didn't last long. There was a motorcyclist couple here doing the same thing it looked like. It dried up quickly and I soon came to Lewis Lake, ignoring the 2 other idiots who honked and yelled like they think it's so funny to scare the poop out of me - immature assholes! Lewis Lake has the worse hiker/biker site in the park - rocky on a slant hillside. Then, I noticed they do have platforms back in the woods. Whatever happened to just grass? I know you have to use what nature gives you I suppose, but still...you could do better. It's like they don't even try. Where do they think we sleep? We have tents too - jerks!

They have the tiniest chipmunks in the park - probably because they don't want the expensive food either - or everything is bear-proof and I guess chipmunk-proof too - poor little guys!

As someone once mentioned to me, I have seen and done more in Yellowstone than most people see or do in a car!

I crossed the 2,000 mile mark today.

Why do people stare at me? They're like the cows I see - everywhere I go, young and old - most either ignore me or just impolitely stare - it's quite rude. I'm just a traveler trying to make my way - Greetings!

July 31 (Lewis Lake to Grand Teton National Park, Jenny Lake, 56.47 miles, 1,300 ft. elevation) Lewis Lake - Grand Teton National Park - Colter Bay Village - Jackson Lake - Jenny Lake. Today I finally left Colter's Hell (Yellowstone), still without service. My family's probably worried, but I know they should know that I am without service. I just don't disappear with no contact. There's nothing I can do except continue on my journey...on my way to the Grand Tetons. I rode through John D. Rockefeller Memorial Parkway - There is no north entrance to Grand Teton National Park because I came south through Yellowstone first. Therefore there wasn't an entrance fee I had to pay! The Tetons are so beautiful! I can glance at them all day - people here in this region have it good! They are so much better than Old Faithful! Again I got honked and yelled at on the road south of Yellowstone. People are so incredibly rude - especially in touristy areas such as this. I stopped at a gas station and leaned my bike against the side. A guy quickly came out and blocked my way to the door. He told me to move my bike because people are coming to fill their water bottles all the time at this faucet by my bike. "If you want to be quick, fine, but if you'll be there awhile you need to move it...." He went on and on and repeated himself and was quite irritated. All the while I just listened. I didn't even notice the faucet. He was so obnoxious and rude to me. I didn't even say anything. I'm taking my service elsewhere! He could've just asked politely for me to move my bike because of the faucets.

Back on the road, a guy on the side of the road handed me two delicious apples saying, "I know how hard fresh fruit is to come by on a journey like yours. Looks like you could use some." Very nice indeed. It is always nice to experience this kindness from strangers! There is a bike lane all the way through to Jenny Lake. Grand Teton National Park is very bike friendly. There was a one-lane scenic road with a bike lane. As I was speeding along it I almost ran over a little girl who was with her whole family riding towards me the WRONG WAY! What is wrong with these people? I saw two cute girls riding bicycles at an overlook of Jenny Lake but they left quickly.It would be nice to meet an adventurous girl on a bike...

Jackson Lake is huge! Jenny Lake is beautiful! The Teton Range is gorgeous. This is beautiful country! At the visitor center I witnessed a man buying cigarettes. This astounded me. With all the wildfires the parks have and all the fire advocacy, etc. it is a bit bizarre and unsettling that a national park would sell and endorse the number one cause of fires! No brain power in parks!

Jenny Lake is full of construction - parking is limited - good thing it doesn't affect me! A few other cyclists here in the nice hiker/biker site. It is a pretty clean site, complete with a bike rack! Apparently a bear wandered through this site the night before, as the camp host informed us.

So...earlier I stopped at Jackson Dam and an Asian guy with broken English wanted to try on my helmet because he is also a biker and was curious about my helmet mirror. He was a nice guy. I only wished I remembered to take his picture wearing my helmet!

August 1 (Jenny Lake to Driggs, ID, 59.00 miles, 2,500 ft. elevation) Jenny Lake - Moose - Jackson - Wilson - Victor, ID - Driggs. I left early to get to the Moose Visitor Center to get on their free wifi to check in with the world after being out of touch for over a week - since Bozeman. I hopped onto the nice bike path at Jenny Lake and rode to Moose, Wyoming. A guy at the visitor center after seeing me and my bike said, "I always scratch my head when I see people like you."

Jackson Hole is a cool place - the "Last Western Town." - or whatever is a neat cowboy town. It is very touristy. I didn't necessarily need to go through the town of Jackson, but I chose to see it anyway. Who knows if I'll ever be here again. For claiming to be a bike friendly town, the motorists sure are jerks! The bike path went from Jenny Lake in the Grand Tetons to Jackson, on to Wilson and all the way up the steep incline of Teton Pass which is a 10% grade for 6 miles straight - 3,000 feet elevation gain, or at least close to it - all the way up to the top! The good thing about it though is the bike path away from the mountain highway filled with traffic!

I pushed my bike for hours up to the top. Near the beginning of the hill, the incline wasn't so steep. I met a cyclist from Rexburg, Idaho coming down doing a short tour of his own. There was also a girl and her dog walking up who refused to talk to me even when I said hello. The dog was friendly though. Another girl who came walking down the hill holding a dog said, "Hello Amanda," ignoring me. The first girl said, "That doesn't look easy!" I was invisible apparently. The heat and steep gradient was getting to me - getting weary and weak. I'm almost there - starting to get dizzy. I'm doing my best to take it easy, but there's only so much you can do in this predicament. I made it slowly to the top of Teton Pass. The top was around the corner and I saw people and cars - Ah, at last - 8400 feet. I collapsed and rested my dizzy and weary body for over an hour! I was pooped. There was a guy waiting for a tow truck here who did know the area and gave me some directions before my rest. I was half listening, my mental strength decreasing by the second. I laid in the shade on the hard ground by the guard rail. My heart was leaping in my stomach and I felt like I was dying. An hour past and I knew I couldn't stay up here forever. People came and went up and over the summit heading both ways. Even though I was not in good shape still, I knew it was time to move. I had to head downhill ever so slowly, riding my brakes. There wasn't a bike path on the way down so I was riding next to the heavy traffic. Downhill grade was 10% for 3-4 miles. I was nervous - riding my brakes the whole way, trying not to fall or wobble. It was SCARY!

I did fall to the side because I couldn't keep my balance. I scraped my leg pretty good, but I got up and due to the sudden movement I felt like I was going to throw up. I bent over feeling like death. A guy in a red pickup truck stopped and asked if I needed a doctor. No, I'll be fine. So he left. Finally I came to Victor and took a breather. I got in touch with my hosts at the top of the pass to let them know of my progress. A bike path ran from Victor to Driggs for 8 miles. It felt like a long, long way - straight and narrow. It was a nesting ground for those flying clickers - so many ran into me - helmet, arms, belly, spokes - They are like the evil version of butterflies.

Just outside of Driggs, I made it to Mary and Brad's house. They are super nice. And their kids Leo and Eli are fun. Dinner was meat, corn, veggies, watermelon, lemonade and later ice cream and cake! It sure beats peanut butter day after day! This was the first host since Montana over a week ago. I am dirty and tired and spent. Man am I spent. I took a shower to wash off all my grime and slept in a warm bed! So glorious! I even did some laundry. I made it and my body gradually began to feel much better - Thank you LORD!